I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
