im drinking this country out of the recession.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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