the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
honey bunches of taint.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
