Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i think i just lost a toe
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
