I bet he comes in French.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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