I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
