I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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