a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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