don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
