But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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