I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
