Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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