She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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