Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
