remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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