he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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