Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
