Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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