Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I believe in your delicious
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
