LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
