Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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