Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
how does that bad decision feel?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
