Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
