I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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