i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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