People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
