If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
