I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
