Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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