I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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