I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
