i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
