we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
