o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
