even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
