so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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