a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
