you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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