Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
