I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
