he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
