I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
