so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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