i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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