My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
