I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
