Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
