school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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