It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
