im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
